Written by IainB
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Topics: Beaver, Condoms, Scouts

Monday, 20 October 2008

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Beavers will be renamed

Baden Powel Inc, the organisation in charge of the UK Scouting movement is to introduce Sexual Health and Relationship advice as part of the general education provided at the Scouts, along side tying complex knots, using an axe and burning things.

The new initiative will require all Scout Leaders to aware of the issues teenagers will face in the relationship arena, and how to handle themselves in a sexual encounter. In addition, condoms will be available from the Scouts' commercial arm, BP (Baden Powel) Petrol Forecourts, free of charge to anybody able to produce a woggle.

The new guidelines overturn fifty years of traditional advice, as laid down by Fuhrer Powell himself in his book Mein Camp, which suggests bathing the genitals in ice cold water on feeling any stirrings or urges. This advice has since been discredited and there are suggestions that the now common "ice-dipping" originated with this book.

Scout leaders have been informed that their first recourse of action when talking about sex with teenagers is to emphasise the dangers of STDs and pregnancy, and on no account mention the pleasure.

Michael Hunt, area co-ordinator for Preston and Swansea, was enthusiastic about the new guidelines. "I've been wanting to talk about sex to the youngsters in my charge for a while, but never had the framework in which to bring it up. It's important that they know of the emotional aspect of the subject, and this is a great opportunity. It wouldn't do to have another generation of frustrated scouts."

Arthur "Clover" Garlic, national Scouting co-ordinator, denied that bringing sex into the scouts was in any way a response to the falling number of young men enticed into the organisation. "Although," he added, "we will probably be changing the name of the Beavers now the kids will know the connotations."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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