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Wednesday, 15 October 2008

image for Arthur Pewty Groped My Arse Claims Dead Sit-Com Star

According to celebrity spiritualist medium Eddie Cosmos, the late Yootha Joyce, alcoholic star of TV sitcoms George And Mildred and Man About The House allegedly claimed that Neasden hard man and hard core gangsta Arthur Pewty groped her arse during a frightening backstage encounter following her showstopping appearance in the musical presentation of the show Straw Dogs at the Penzance Municipal Theatre in 1978.

Eddie Cosmos alleges that Yootha Joyce called to him through the ether to inform him that she encountered a man she only later realised was Arthur Pewty on account of his notoriety in a corridor outside her dressing room. He was very drunk, quite menacing and his hands were fast and unstoppable. Cosmos describes the incident as 'much more than copping a crafty feel. Arthur Pewty could have been kneading dough that night, and a terrified Miss Joyce was simply too stunned and pissed to react appropriately'

The esteemed actress apparently never got over the incident.

Representatives of this esteemed organ confronted Arthur Pewty with these allegations via a series of dodgy mobile phone calls. Arthur Pewty denied the allegations, stating that it couldn't possibly have been him that groped Yootha Joyce's arse cheeks because he wasn't in Penzance in 1978, and further challenged the sanity of this reporter and celebrity spiritualist medium Eddie Cosmos. Arthur Pewty went on to claim that he had never groped a woman against her will, at which point Beryl Pewty intervened to inform Arthur Pewty that their takeaway kebabs had arrived and that he really should answer the door and pay the man.

Celebrity spiritualist medium Eddie Cosmos at that point terminated the conversation on the grounds that he was hungry and the kebab shop was about to close so he couldn't afford to waste any more time.

It should be made clear that Eddie Cosmos recieved no financial remuneration for this interview.
Apart from a large doner with extra chilli sauce and a couple of pickled peppers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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