Written by bkkRon
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Topics: Big Brother, England

Tuesday, 1 June 2004

MENWITH HILL, England -- Finally, after working so hard over the last fifty years, Big Brother announced his engagement to Australian Jean Okiddin, and beating the sure-to-come ribbing from the media, introduced her as "Big Sister."

Privacy advocates, on condition of anonymity, stated they are silently thrilled that with the new responsibilities he will encounter as a husband, Big Brother will have far less time to attend to his job "monitoring every human on the face of the planet."

Baby boomers are now old enough to remember the early days of Big Brother's career when he was simply looking in windows, listening carefully to others at tram stops, and taking grainy black-and-white photographs with mostly wide-angle lenses.

Modern technology and the information age have, of course, increased his observing powers, but also the demands on his time. Last year, in an interview with the American television news magazine 20/20, when asked if there was a special someone in his life, Big Brother said he "found it harder and harder to take time off and just to relax, let it all go…" and thus didn't have the time really to meet women. He continuously spied on them, but realized a long time ago that he "could not make a connection."

Obviously very happy, the couple revealed that they met last year on a super-tanker in the middle of the Pacific on which they were both consulting at the time. The ship, Vea Todos Saber Todos, registered in Panama, was reportedly on a mission sponsored by the British and U.S. governments installing new technology to tap the underwater, high-speed fiber optic data cables. On the ship last July, Big Brother noted that in keeping up with the times, the one thing to which he could not seem to get easy remote access was the data flowing around the globe in buried lines in light form. He said while onboard, "All other forms of communication and indeed the movement, location, habits, desires, and with the new database, even most thoughts of every living person, were pretty much easy to ascertain."

Questioned on whether they planned to have children, Big Sister blushed and admitted they were talking about having "at least two." If and when that time comes, the world will be in for even more surveillance, as then Big Daddy and Big Momma will have a new "little brother" and "big sister" to follow in the family business.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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