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Sunday, 5 October 2008

image for Britain's Pensioners Turn To Heroin
Need Some Company, Darlin'?

Britain's pensioners are turning to hard core drugs in droves to escape the gritty reality of their useless lives in today's society, a report has today revealed.

Pensioners are hounding down dealers on sink estates asking for cut price heroin and cheap crack. One dealer, who prefers to remain anonymous, revealed that he has started a cut price "Silver Surfers" day where his regulars over 65 can get cut price drugs coinciding with the collection of their pensions.

Ancient addict, Wilbur Clegg, told me,"I can't face those four walls without a serious hit these days, the risks don't bother me, I'm 74, It's me grandkiddies I feel sorry for, I nicked their dole money last week to fund my habit."

Fellow crack-whore Doris Alderley,87, added,"I never would've dreamt of selling my body before I started on smack, except to science, but once the pension's gone I'm on the streets competing with all those scabby little tarts for the blind-drunk punters."

The war veterans association has expressed concern over the growing trend, stating," we just can't trust the old buggers with the collection tins these days."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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