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Topics: Shopping, Lost, Ikea, freedom

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

image for Man freed from Ikea after 3 years
3 year stretch inside Ikea.

Warrington UK: Police revealed today that a man who had been missing for 3 years, had in fact been living in an Ikea store.

The furniture store, famed for not having correct exit signs around the store, leading many to suggest it was a ploy to keep shoppers shopping, admitted yesterday that the man had finally found the exit.

Spokesman Bill Board said - "Yes we can confirm we have had a man living inside the store."

Asked how the man had managed to survive, Bill said - "Well, we noticed the custard creams were going missing from the canteen and several beds were continually soiled with erm, well, stains. We noticed that one area that resembled a living room had tea stains on the table and crumbs on the carpet and several rolls of soiled toilet roll were found underneath a computer, which was later found to have a virus due to excessive hardcore porn downloads."

Freed man Lee Nover of padgate lane warrington said of his release - "Bloody 'ell, at last I'm free from that monstrosity of a building. I only went in for some cushion covers. It was a living nightmare, every time I saw an exit sign I went for it, only to find myself right back where I was 20 minutes earlier. When I asked someone for the exit, they pointed and just said 'thataway'. After a few days I finally gave up and settled down for a new life but it was crap, I wouldn't mind but all the TV's weren't real so I couldn't even watch Corrie."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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