Written by Midgetgems
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Sunday, 14 September 2008

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Basil Twig knows more about Klingons than most

Coastguard officials from the port of Dubris, known as Dover in Roman times, have reported sighting a large yacht loaded with Klingons and heading for the British coast at a rate of knots.

These loathsome 'creatures of nightmare' have not been seen since Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise finally defeated them at the now infamous Battle of Scarborough Pay and Display Toilets. They were described by Basil Twig, Defender-in-Chief of Dubris, as 'being of suspiciously jovial appearance, with kiss-me-quick hats on and waving sticks of flavoured rock … although my 20p ran out and it could have been salt on the telescope lens'.

Klingons have long been a threat to the stability of Western European economic policies, not least because so little is known about them. What is known is that they prefer to invade in 'fleets' and that they might want to catch and eat any small children left playing alone on derelict industrial estates.

The coastguard are warning residents in Dubris that one sighting may well herald another and that if they meet anyone they suspect may have been in contact with a Klingon they should not approach that person. Instead they should push them immediately over the nearest cliff. Or shoot them probably we think.

Further information can be found at any good Trekky website or among the gathering crowds reading the notices currently being nailed to every old church door in the land for cinematic effect.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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