Written by Mark Lowton
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Topics: Food, Cats, Blind

Thursday, 11 September 2008

image for Blind man eats pussy; tastes "fishy"
Shh, don't tell him I'm here...

John sat down to last night to eat a sumptuous meal inspired by a TV cookery show.

The chefs on the show had used poussin (a small chicken) as their main ingredient, but poor John, who is not only blind but also hard of hearing, misheard the ingredient.

"I thought it was a little strange," John explained. "But they're professionals, I thought, and who am I to argue?"

So out popped John to find a lovely pussy to eat for his dinner.

"I picked up this moggy. Felt nice and plump, so I took it home for my tea. When I gots home, I put Mrs Whiskers in the fridge ready for boilin her up."

Thankfully, Mrs Whiskers isn't your average cat and did the old switcheroo on poor John, substituting herself for a fat piece of fish she found in the fridge. Not before having a little nibble herself mind!

"When I goes to get her out of the fridge she feels a little wet, but thankfully she's out cold and I can get to work making a lovely dish of her.

"Not sure what those chefs are on about though. It was full of little bones and tasted awfully fishy to me. Plus I can't get rid of the smell. Everywhere I go in the house now, all I can smell crap and piss."

Poor John.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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