Written by Alexander Wilson
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Topics: Fire, Arson, Lancashire

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

image for Fleetwood Pier inferno - hundreds of suspects arrested

Following Tuesday morning's fire which destroyed Fleetwood's historic pier, causing hundreds of pounds worth of damage, Lancashire Police announced the arrest of over 350 suspected arsonists.

At a press conference this afternoon, a representative of the Forensic Science Squad gave some details of the investigation so far. He said, "Although we found a suspicious DNA sample on a discarded MD20/20 bottle left underneath the pier, it could not be matched with the National DNA Database. We therefore carried a familial DNA test to identify people closely related to the owner of the DNA sample."

He continued, "As a result we are able to reveal that we are holding 362 suspects from the Fleetwood area, with a further 215 Fleetwood residents under investigation".

Police are also anxious to trace a man in his forties seen loitering under the pier in the early hours of Tuesday morning. According to some witnesses the man was sucking a Fisherman's Friend at the time. In a separate development, police apprehended a dock worker attempting to flee the town on the Knott End ferry.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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