Written by matwil
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Topics: David Cameron, Knife

Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for Cameron Reunited With Stolen Penknife
Mr Cameron's knife makes world news

Conservative leader David Cameron was today dramatically reunited with his penknife, that had been stolen from his desk in July in London.

A phone call from a Mr Stanley Blade in Notting Hill led to the recovery, and it was found lying on the road next to an empty crisp packet, with a small scratch on its handle. 'I'm delighted to have it back', said the Tory leader, 'it's priceless to me, like an old friend. When I think of the number of times I've opened and closed it, and peeled apples with it, I can't tell you how pleased I am to have this dramatic reunion. But I'm surprised they didn't pull off the little corkscrew on the side of it, that would have been handy for the homeless here in West London, when they want to open their bottles of vintage Chateau Neuf du Pap.'

A Metropolitan Police bicycle spokesman said officers had been invited to examine the knife, but said they 'had some serious armed bike thefts to investigate, along with a number of assaults involving throwing bubble gum wrappers at people from bus windows, and an ongoing inquiry into discrimination against cross-gender nose pickers.'

But Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown had this to say about the news: 'I tried to run the gitt over last week near Hyde Park, but ah couldne get him. Guess he thinks he's somebody again, swanking about with his children's bike and his cool penknife - just wait til the recess ends, then I'll be no more mister nice guy, I'll be givin' him a doin' in the Commons lavvie!'

Mr Cameron was seen sitting at his desk again, sharpening all his pencils with his knife and making paper planes out of White Papers.

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