In a shock revelation, revelated somewhat earlier today, an employment agency has actually matched someone'd talents to a position and obtained them a job, the first time such a thing has been reported all year.
Arthur Dropsy applied to the Acme Employment Agency in Halifax when he saw a job for a sales manager on the internet job site www.you-haven't-got-a-chance-of-getting-even-a-bloody-interview.com
He takes up the story:
"I had seen this job for a sales manager with a company that sells things, and thought, I might apply. I could sell things.
"However, being 45 years old with over 25 years as an award-winning salesman, never having had a day's sick leave in my life, never ever missing my targets even once, taking only minimal holidays and winning awards almost annually thoughout my career, I naturally assumed that I didn't stand a chance.
"When the chap from the agency phoned me up, his liberal use, every second word, of "basically" and "obviously", lead me to the conclusion that this was just another clueless, spotty oik who had become a recruitment consultant because he had failed the interview to become a Big Issue seller.
"But now I eat my words. Or at least some of them.
"I went to the agency to meet him and, yes, while he was indeed perhaps not so much a clueless spotty oik as more of a downright ugly, untidy, unhelpful, inconsiderate, spiteful, arrogant, humourless, ignorant bastard, he was certainly the epitomy of a true, HR professional.
"I'm just glad I gave him a gift-wrapped bottle of Clearasil to endear him somewhat towards me, because next thing I knew, I had an interview with the company and got the job.
"So I now sell things once again."