Written by Mrs Kensington
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Topics: Rolling Stones

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

image for Ronnie Wood Runs off With Second Russian Temptress
Kadzek - party girl

Just days after leaving rehab in Surrey, leathery alcoholic Ronnie Wood (85) has run off with yet another wild young Russian.

Regulars at the 'Leather on Willow Inn' at Chew Magna, Somerset were amazed when Wood, who looks like Rod Stewart but with black hair, staggered into the historic 12th century inn "in a disorientated state" and began shouting for a double Harvey Wallbanger.

It is reported that Wood, whose nose is ten years older than the rest of his body, headed straight for sexy lapdancer Ludmilla Kadzek (63) and the pair hit it off immediately.

"He was running his hands all over her body, it was sickening" landlord Reggie 'the icepick' Busby told reporters. "Rolling Stones can get any bird they want, so why does he have to come swanning in here grabbing the only tasty bit of skirt for miles".

The lusty couple left the pub shortly afterwards "in an even more disorientated state" and later sightings of the pair boarding Wood's £million dinghy at Weston-Super-Mare and rowing erratically around the coast have fuelled fears that the man known as 'The Quiet Rolling Stone' may be drinking again.

The news has devastated the old rocker's wife Jo, who is considerably better looking than him, for a second time. Mrs Wood was unavailable for comment yesterday, but her best friend Paul O'Grady told reporters "She's gutted. She'd only just managed to get Ron a part as a fossil in Pirates of the Caribbean 4".

We had hoped that three months in the Bahamas with Keith Richards would be a good way of keeping him off the booze".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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