Written by Mrs Kensington
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Tuesday, 19 August 2008

image for "Darryn Lyons Ate My Blackberry" says Cilla
Scousers

Just weeks after he was cautioned by police for swallowing the iphone of a woman who refused to sell him photos of Pete Doherty at a cash machine, the cockerel-headed Aussie affectionately known as 'Mr Paparazzi', has been at it again.

After enjoying a romantic meal at top London eatery Smiths of Smithfield, owned by grumpy Masterchef judge John Torode, a heated argument began between Lyons and celebrity scouser Cilla Black after her best pal Paul O'Grady called him Woody Woodpecker on acid.

According to onlookers, Lyons threw a twice-cooked souffle at the working class couple's table and knocked over a bottle of 'Blue Nun', then ran over, dropped his trousers and waved his backside in Black's face.

When staff asked him to leave, he grabbed a handful of the tone-deaf warbler's dessert and stuffed it in his mouth before storming out.

"I'm absolutely speechless" cackled the gobby red-head later. "There I was mindin' me own business enjoyin' me puddin' and that enormous antipodean twat eats me last blackberry."

If that wasn't bad enough, the flame-haired liverbird, who advertises life insurance on Channel 4, later found out that Torode had barred her and O'Grady from Smiths for life. When asked about the controversial decision, Torode, better known as half of the comedy duo 'Torode and Wallace', told reporters "nobody says antipodean twat in my restaurant and gets away with it".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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