Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 24 July 2008

image for Amber Alert Issued For Mark Lowton
Have you seen this man (with a fake mustache)?

Spoof Editor Mark Lowton has gone missing from his home and work. An Amber Alert has been issued to help find this missing person. While such alerts are generally issued for children, this one is being issued for a missing adult due to mental disabilities.

Mark is about 25 years old, likes to wear a fake mustache, and has sandy colored hair. He was last seen in his Blockbuster video uniform (where he has a "job" rewinding DVDs). He is also wearing Spiderman shoes, Batman socks, and Little Mermaid underwear.

Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of this man should contact their local law enforcement agency.

When asked if he had any idea where his brother might have gone, Paul Lowton replied that "We haven't spoken much since he became infatuated with turd stories."

His wife, Joy Renee Cote Lowton, is also upset at his disappearance. "Mark was supposed to take me to Euro-Disney on vacation this week! I wanted to ride the flying Dumbos!"

One suspect in the case is a writer known only as Queen Mudder. She sent Mark an e-mail this week, stating that "if you go on vacation for 15 days, that's almost 200 stories I wont get to post. I won't allow it! I'll get you my pretty! Cackle Cackle Cackle."

A reward in the amount of 10,000 points is being offered for his safe return.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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