Every ten years the eminences who lead the dioceses of the Church of England and its Anglican outposts around the globe gather to celebrate the strong communion of a church that has always maintained unity in diversity.
Unlike the Roman doctrinal dictatorship or the Unitarian Universalist agnosticism, Anglicanism has modeled unity at the communion table and doctrinal diversity with respectful tolerance for divergent viewpoints.
This year's Lambeth Conference will be celebrating its diverse unity by boycotting each other.
The violent disagreements among the Church faithful have persuaded head of church Williams to tell everyone to just stay home: "I just can't take all this debate and conflict!" Williams told the spoofecclesiologist. "Gay this, straight that! I'm sick of the whole bunch of them. Jesus ate his last supper with a traitor, a denier and a lot of cowards and apostates but the wholly, holy bishops of the Church of England can't even sit down for afternoon tea. Who cares whose buggering whom? By Gawd, if we parsed that verb across Anglican history, we'd have quite an encyclopedia of buggery!"