Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 2 July 2008

image for Joey Barton Swaps Football For Boxing
He might as well!

Joey Barton, the Newcastle United player who was found guilty on Monday of assaulting one of his ex-teammates whilst he was at Manchester City, has decided to give up playing football, and to turn, instead, to boxing.

Barton assaulted a player whose name I can neither remember nor say, and is currently in prison serving a sentence that would have prevented him playing in most of Newcastle's opening fixtures, had he carried on in football.

His agent, Tommy Knacker, however, said this morning in a statement, that Barton had decided to hang up his boots, and put on his gloves. The troublesome youth has been sparring in jail, and has already had his first couple of bouts.

Last Thursday, Barton weighed-in at a little over 7 stones, before his 3-rounder with FE2367 Williams, a burglar, a fight he won in just 23 seconds, before taking on and battering his next-door-cell-neighbour XF3885 Miller, serving a 3-month sentence for TWOC. Barton hates car thieves, and gave Miller a real pasting, before being led back to his cell by Wing PO Keegan, also his trainer.

The PO was pleased with Barton's form, and said:

"When he gets out of here, he'll be able to demolish anyone in a burger queue."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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