Written by matwil
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Saturday, 28 June 2008

image for The Queen Signs On The Dole
'Which way to the Job Centre, mate?'

Today, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II went to her local Job Centre, and registered herself as unemployed.

'Yes', she admitted, 'as leader of the United Kingdom one has to represent one's subjects and share their lives, and so it was orf down the broo to claim Jobseekers' Allowance. Wonder if there's any vacancies for lavvy cleaners?' And her eldest son, Charlie Windsor, added: 'Yes, I'm in touch with the common people, I will also get a job as someone who keeps appearing in the Daily Mail with my latest philosophies about life, that will be hard work. I can also sell organic fruit and veg at Camden Market on Sundays, to keep the trouble and strife in decent clobber.'

This is the first time the Queen and her son have ever looked for a job, but Royal-watchers are confident that they will adapt easily to what the other 40 million adults in Britain do every day. Her Majesty said: 'One hopes to be employed as a hand-waver and dinner-eater, one is sure plenty of servants will be there to help one do it, and one will be willing to work very long hours at it, at least 3 a week.' And her son added: 'Um, well, er, what about being a part-time architectural critic or a garden flower translator? I'm sure that's what all the lads do on building sites, and in offices.'

The Government is pleased at the 2 seeking work, as it will save the taxpayer up to £40m a year, and Prince Philip had this to say: 'About bloody time! That layabout son of mine is an embarrassment, hope they make him a sewage worker! And as for Lizzie, well we never see each other anyway, at least it'll get her out the house!'

A day of mourning was held at the BBC and ITN, as 300 reporting staff and photographers were laid off, and will be joining the Royal pair at the Job Centre. Princess Michael of Kent is looking for work as an actress in a film about the Third Reich.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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