In a crackdown on criminal Surfers, the Fraud squad have revealed that they are to enforce even stricter rules on laundering than have previously been in force.
Dry cleaning and washing clothes at home remains unaffected, but public laundering will be the target of the Fraud Squad's new campaign, "Be Bold, don't Surf".
Inspector Gadget of New Scotland Yard explains:
"Programmes such as the BBC's EastEnders give home clothes washing a very bad name. Absolutely no one in Albert Square seems to own a washing machine, relying as they do on Dot Cotton and her biblical outpourings to wash their clothes clean.
"For a square with infinite family numbers occupying each house, a caterer and a pub, this seems quite ludicrous. We are targeting users of Surf in particular, as we know that Ariel washes whiter because it washes biologically."
Mr Daz Popodopopupulopulus, the mysterious Greek owner of the Albert Square laundrette was said to be furious.
"This could lead to my manageress Dot Cotton quoting even more biblical examples" Daz said.
"We are still trying to recover from her verbal abuse when it was suggested by a resident of the Square that Brutus couldn't go to Mount Olive because Popeye would have beaten him to a spinach-filled pulp.
"And when comments of a sexual nature were made by untidy and Social Security-sponsored Square resident Kieth "Flatarse" Miller about the sermon on the Mount, well Dot threw a chapter and verse wobbly for England on that one."