Written by matwil
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Topics: Police

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Police officers in England and Wales have voted to lobby the government for the right to make the public laugh, and were already practising doing that today, anticipating it would become law.

A Police Federation spokesman, Ms Les E. Plod, said: 'We are ridiculously overpaid, and most of us are so out of shape nowadays, that we're on sick leave half of the time.'

Police forces across Britain already have people in stitches, arresting parents for giving their children a wee slap, or for making discriminatory jokes against cross-dressing Armenians, but it's not certain if the government will let making the public laugh become law. Of course, the police turning peaceful demonstrations into riots, and harmless football matches into pitched battle scenes, is hilarious, and the spiralling British crime wave that they are doing nothing to stop is even funnier. And there was much amusement when they bought lots of patterned cars, with groovy American sirens, costing millions, but never sorted out corruption in London or Manchester.

One fireman, Mr. Foreman Sam, said: 'We had a big strike, but it ended well for us, because the public need us, and we risk our lives to help them. What do all those thousands of cops ever do to help anyone, except helping themselves to more pizzas, and helping themselves to more overtime?'

But Ms Plod answered: 'What would people in England and Wales do, without us to laugh at? Why, they might start attacking ambulances, which we are never around to prevent, as we're all on Save The Gay Whale courses.'

This is not the first time the police have demanded making the public laugh to become law, it happened at Hillsborough, when they had English football fans in tears of laughter, as the Yorkshire police managed to stop hundreds of dying fans to escape from being crushed to death. And at numerous fascist marches they're usually around to joke with left-wing demonstrators, who like nothing better than to be put in hospital, for daring to not laugh at the officers.

However, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling, speaking from Scotland Yard, said: 'Ha, ha, ha! The joke's on you, the tax payers!'

Wpc Plod has left the building, to walk around doing nothing, then dropping into a kebab shop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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