Written by tonybee
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Tuesday, 20 May 2008

image for Shock poll rocks Brown
Labour's support 'infinitesimal'

A poll published in today's Daily Mail has been treated with caution by Tory campaigners in the contested constituency of Crewe and Nantwich.

Residents of Crewe and Nantwich take to the polls this Thursday to elect a replacement for Labour stalwart Gwyneth Dunwoody, who died last month.

The poll puts the Conservatives on 88%, Liberals on 11% and the Labour Party on just 1%. This means that Labour support has reached its lowest level since 1349, when the Black Death wiped out many of the party's core supporters.

One other poll, in the Daily Torygraph, shows a similar trend. In fact, media publishers are going out of their way to publish any polls showing Conservative leads and are ignoring any polls which are at odds with their political agenda of bringing down Gordon Brown's embattled government.

Tory campaigners in Crewe stated that "we don't want to get too confident yet but it seems like we've got it in the bag. The fact that our leader is an Eton-toff with no concrete policies on anything and who hasn't got a clue how normal people live is not hampering our campaign at all..."

Labour's team in Crewe were completely distraught on hearing the poll. "It's not fair" they said, "we've held this seat for yonks and it's ours...everything was lovely when Tony was in power. Gordon is a complete tosser...er, are we on the record?....."

Sources close to the prime minister say that "Gordon is not taking any notice of polls and is getting on with the business of sticking his head in the sand and ruining the country" (or was that running, the Spoof is not sure).

Nick Clegover, the Liberal leader, was not available to comment as he was behind closed doors asking his secretary to take something down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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