Written by matwil
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Topics: Scotland, Cats

Friday, 16 May 2008

image for Cat Coughs In Scotland
Two lawn miaouers

Shock news came in today from Kirkcaldy - pronounced Keerkeidlemeisterhofney - in Fife, Scotland, that a cat had coughed in a street there.

Reporters from BBC Scotland and STV rushed into the town, and soon hundreds of local residents were being asked for eye-witness descriptions.

Stunning presenter, Jackie Facelift, asked local, Jimmy McEwans, how he'd survived the catastrophe.

'It wasnae easy', Mr. MacEwans said, 'it wasnae easy.'

And housewifey, Yvette van Mugambo, added: 'I don't know how Kirkcaldy will recover, but at least it's put us on the map. Well, the map of Fife.'

First Minister of Scotland, Alex Ferguson, said: 'An enquiry will be held soon, it's disgraceful that London and Mr. Brownie should allow cats coughing here, more of a warcrime against humanity than anything else.'

And deputy Scottish leader, Nicola Cagey, also said: 'Cats are coughing due to people not voting for us any more, mine's a lager tops, thanks.'

Cats across Scotland have been put under strict observation, in case an epidemic of hype and silliness breaks out, and even returning Rangers fans were nervous about their feline friends. But one cat, meowing from a living room in Arbroath, said: 'Meow.'

BBC budgets are due to rise to even bigger wastes of time and money next month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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