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Tuesday, 13 May 2008

image for Gordon Ramsey in the FA Championship Final
Chef picks inopportune monent to play "pee-poo"

Following a hotly fought semi-final, Gordon Ramsey sailed through on points to grab the second place in the FA Final on Saturday.

In an exciting semi final against Rick Stein, Gordon Ramsey fought a pitched battle to maintain his level of swearing as the last 10 minutes of this highly-acclaimed swearing competition - The Fcuk-sponsored, F*ck All Championship - was played out in front of a capacity crowd at the Sheffield Crucifix Theatre.

Rick Stein had showed some promise in the first half with a succession of "bloodies", "soddings" and "Christs", but sadly, he was outpaced and out-sworn by an ebullient Ramsey who side-filled with one "F*ck" and "Sh*t" after another.

The turning point came midway through the second half when Stein complimented the French on their lineage from cows, swine and other domesticated animals and accused people from Versace of "smelling of ripe garlic". Ramsey instantaneously replied with a "What do you f*cking expect - they're f*cking French!", a reply which gained a series of 6.0's from the panel of regional judges.

His reply, which sealed his place in the final was when asked by the Liverpool judge "How can you recognise a Frenchman?", Ramsey replied "You bloody can't because they're always f*cking running away."

Ramsey meets Jamie Oliver in the final after Oliver comfortably beat Aynsley Herriott who doesn't really swear at all.

Fanny Craddock is dead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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