Written by Gordon Bennet
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Friday, 18 April 2008

image for The 2008 Conference for Short Arsed People opens in Bangkok
The 2008 Conference for Short Arsed Persons being held in Bangkok

Yesterday at the 2008 Conference for Short Arsed People being held at the Plaza Hotel in Bangkok, the past President 5ft 2inch Yuri Gagarin handed over the reins to the incoming President 5ft 1inch Danny DeVito.

Mr Devito thanked Mr Gagarin for his timeless efforts at promoting Short Arsed People wherever they may be in the World, plus even those living out in space or even those who are spaced out.

The first speaker at the Conference Ivor Smallpiece said "a survey carried out by SAPS (the Short Arsed People Society) has revealed that Short Arsed People are rising to the top after being motivated by Napoleon, driven by Attila the Hun and educated by Ant and Dec."

Leading SAPS spokesperson Tiny Littlejohn said "Societies obsession with height forces Short Arsed Men to overcompensate by becoming unbearable in their quest for power.

Tiny added "controversy over Short Arsed Syndrome or Napoleon Complex has raged for years."

SAPS Health Spokesperson Dr Ruth Westheimer said "Scientists may finally have proof for Short Arsed Syndrome, the phenomenon where Short Arsed men compensate for being Short Arsed through acts of aggression.

"For instance a scientific study shows that Short Arsed Men are more likely to be jealous husbands and boyfriends than their taller counterparts."

"A perfect example would be 5ft 4inch Jamie Cullum and his 6ft girlfriend Sophie Dahl."

Dr Ruth added "when questioned about their obvious height difference Cullum immediately threw his toys out of the pram and stamped in a hissy fit screaming "whenever did you see the jockey as big as the horse."

The new President Danny DeVito said "researchers in the United States have reported that American women rate Short Arsed Men as more attractive and powerful than long streaks of piss."

Danny added that "a National Survey has revealed that most middle aged American women would like to find themselves in the sack with diminutive actor Tom Cruise and older women would love to mother diddy Dustin Hoffman while the majority of men would like to get their grubby hands on tiny but perfectly formed songbirds Kylie Monogue or Shakira."

The Conference continues tomorrow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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