Much loved theSpoof.com owner, Mark Lowton has said that he considers himself a "prick" and a "bollox".
Speaking exclusively in his first and so far only interview since his orchestrated faux-marriage, Lowton described what the future holds for his' beloved' comedy website.
"To be honest", he says, "I couldn't give a flying fuck what direction TheSpoof.com takes. As far as I'm concerned it can just piss off. What can I say - I'm a bit of a prick."
The website is home to some of the finest minds of our day, who endlessly provide heartwarming tales of talking penises and in-depth analytical commentary on the political landscape of the World - such as which politician is eating his poodles shit and what former first Lady sucks the paint from parked cars.
"There's nothing I like better than a fine Cuban cigar", says Lowton as he relaxes in his bourgeois apartment full of ornamental chicken heads, "I mostly light my farts and film the unfolding drama on my telephone. The wife thinks it's kind of kinky - but that's wives for you, I suppose."
But Mark, what does this all mean? Can you elaborate on these cryptic comments?
"TheSpoof.com has allowed me to live the Playboy lifestyle of wild, exotic sex with dozens of beautiful bearded men - nothing more. Some may call me a bollox. Indeed I actually called myself a bollox this morning after my golden shower.
"But I care little for these writer 'things'. It's all about the bling, baby. Googles's where the money's at, yeah baby."
Since going to press, Master Lowton has denied the contents of this story. I am also writing with my foot.