Written by Kent Pete
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Topics: Cows, Glastonbury

Saturday, 5 April 2008

image for Future of Glastonbury Festival remains in doubt
Bombed out of their tiny little minds..Bless 'em

Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis claimed that his festival was under threat because cows on his farm were "freaking out" after eating illegal drugs left by revellers.

Mr Eavis said his award-winning Holstein Friesians had been 'acting very strangely' after being let back into the grounds of his Worthy Farm used by campers at last year's event.

"I am as liberal minded as the next man, but I promised my wife that when the festival started to affect our livestock I would call it a day. To see farm animals high on mind altering drugs is very upsetting indeed " said the leftfield farmer.

"Over the past six weeks I have seen my otherwise docile Jersy Cows organise themselves into teams and compete against each other in the 100 yard dash. I have seen my prize winning 'Chester White' pigs lying on their backs, gazing up at the sky and just giggling for hours on end. And if you haven't seen a chicken do the 'Moon Walk' you haven't lived . The only explanation I can give is that my animals have accidentally eaten left over drugs from last year's Glastonbury Festival. "

Talking from his bed at Moorhaven Psychiatric Hospital in Plymouth, Mr Eavis added,

"I honestly fear for the future of the event that has been held on my farm since 1970. I have managed to turn a blind eye to the strange going's on for a few years now but I am afraid my wife and family must come first. If my nine year old son ever saw our two shire horses sword fighting at two o'clock in the morning like I did last week I would never forgive myself. "

A spokesman for the South Devon Health Trust told our reporter,

"Mr Eavis is likely to remain on close observations for the foreseeable future."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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