Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Kids, Old People, Bus

Saturday, 29 March 2008

image for Free Bus Travel For Teenagers Sparks Row Amongst Pensioners
Prescott after being thrown off a bus in Hull this week

A scheme put forward by the government to allow young people and teenagers to travel free on bus services throughout Britain, has come under fire from grumpy old pensioners.

The plan revealed today, would mean that children as old as 19 would be able to travel without charge on all bus services, and would significantly decrease both the number of cars, and of dangerous young accidents-waiting-to-happen on Britain's roads.

The free services will be equipped with table tennis and snooker tables, a dartboard and a canteen which will sell sweets, crisps, refreshments and drugs. Music will be provided by a resident MC or DJ, or whatever the fuck they call themselves these days.

Many old-aged pensioners are up-in-arms, though. They already have the benefit of free travel, but say allowing youngsters to travel free would effectively turn buses, traditionally the haunt of the 'Nearly Dead', into Mobile Youth Clubs.

Former Deputy Labour leader John Prescott has voiced his concerns over the plan, claiming problems with bus travellers are already rife.

One lifelong bus passenger, Albert Senile, 73, from Barnsley, said:

"We don't want them peddling smack from the back seat, and running prozzie rings on the late night services."

Another, Edith Gout, 89, told how she'd been abused and assaulted by a gang of youths on a Sheffield bus, on her way home from her nightly bingo session:

"Oooh, it were grand!", she laughed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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