Written by Andrew Woodfine
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Tuesday, 25 March 2008

image for Eco-towns to reintroduce man with red flag for motorists
Cars like this will be banned as dangerously modern and high powered

Housing minister Caroline Flint has announced that vehicles driving on roads into the planned eco-towns will be compelled to have a man walking in front of them waving a red flag. As part of the governments plans to minimise the carbon footprint of the new developements all car users will be required by law to travel no faster than the walking pace of the bowler hatted gentleman marching in front of their vehicle.

Environmental campaigner Kevin Strange welcomed the move claiming that "the resultant average 11.5 hour each way commute to the local centres of commerce is a small price to pay to keep Al Gore happy." However critics of the scheme have claimed that the wealthy will get round the restrictions by simply importing speed walkers from the far east to race ahead of their cars while keeping one foot on the ground at all times to comply with the new law.

Other restrictions for residents of the eco towns include compulsary beards for men and "French style" armpits for women to cut down on the carbon impact of razor production. Wasteful spectacles will also be banned in favour of the more eco freindly monacle with it's reduced carbon footprint. Houses will be powered by methane from communal cess pits which will be provided in lieu of mains sewerage in homes.

Many of those locating to the new towns are expected to Victorian era enthusiasts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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