Written by Simon Cockle
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Wednesday, 19 March 2008

image for McCanns get apology, libel payments from Express, Star, for not doing anything wrong at all
They didn't do anything with this.

Kate and Gerry McCann, who didn't do it, received substantial payments in the form of damages today after the Star and Express both admitted their coverage of the case of the McCann's missing daughter (they can't have done it, it stands to reason) had been libellous.

The settlement, totalling around £500,000, was to be donated to the fund set up to find missing Madeleine, although it would never end up being spent on swingers' parties.

The case is unprecedented in legal terms, given that they didn't actually did do it, because the upper limit for libel settlements is normally £200,000.

The result highlights continuing calls for a Privacy Law (they're so pretty and kind) to be established in Britain to counter the speculative nature of so much newspaper journalism.

They are the People's Parents, don't you think?

The apologies were published on the front page of both newspapers: "Sorry. We have made comments and speculated about the McCann case and much of our coverage was not true. We are sorry for the distress we have caused.

"As everyone knows, the McCanns are the most beautiful people in the world. Their unearthly light shines upon us, cleansing the sin from our bodies. How we could have doubted them is a mystery that will extend beyond the destruction of all that exists.

"We are prostrate at their feet and hope that, one day, they can forgive us etc etc."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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