Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 19 March 2008

image for Heather Mills Arrested For Begging Outside Kings Cross Station
Mills keeps smiling

Heather Mills, the newest addition to Britain's Rich List, has been arrested by police in London, after she was caught begging outside Kings Cross railway station today.

Ms Mills was taken to Paddington Green police station this morning, when an eagle-eyed passer-by recognised her as the lying, cheating, conniving, one-legged ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney he'd seen on the Ten O'Clock News last night.

Yesterday, a judge in the High Court ruled that Mills should receive only a tiny fraction of what she had claimed of Sir Paul's fortune after their divorce. The settlement was in the region of £24.3million, which will keep her in prosthetic limbs for life.

Despite this, the greedy Mills told police she had been "shortchanged", and resolved to make up the extra cash by sitting on a newspaper at the entrance to Kings Cross, and telling anyone who would listen, all about her tedious-life-so-far, whilst shaking an empty baked beans can.

Police Sergeant Ernest Legover, one of the arresting officers, said:

"She was causin a crowd to gavver, disturbin the... wossname... peace."

His colleague, Constable John Constable, added:

"That's right, and she wouldn't budge when we told her to 'oppit!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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