Prince Harry has just returned from Helmand Province, Afghanistan from where he has been serving on the front line of the British Army facing the Taliban, one of the most ferocious foes on this planet.
Harry stood alongside the Ghurkhas who are considered some of the bravest warriors ever to step on to a Battlefield. Harry apparently led from the front and risked his life on numerous occasions.
The coming home of Harry has resulted in some of the most scandalous reporting ever seen on the British News, in a Newspaper or on a Website.
The extremely well respected first lady of reporting The Queen Madder has stated that "Nine out of Ten Taliban warlords say that their confidence soared after seeing Harry poncing around in designer gear swigging a bottle of lager."
The bottle she refers too, "was almost certainly Buxton Spring Water which is a favourite drink of all soldiers particularly after a long day on an extremely hot and dusty battlefield."
Wonkey Moods a winner of the Newspaper Oscars reported a pack of porkies stating that "Harry wishes that England should sink, he does not like the Country very much and he is much happier being in South Africa spending quality time in the bush."
Wonkey did not go on to make clear which bush he was referring too.
Gordon Benney a very experienced and respected War Correspondent should be extremely ashamed of reporting that Harry was seen accompanied by two blondes falling out of a Kabul Nightclub.
It is well known in Journalistic circles that Benney himself has never stepped foot on a Battlefield but always reports from the safest boozer.
Then there was top writer named Huff who claimed that Harry referred to "his home Country as pants."
Actually Harry said "England is Top Drawer, as that is where most people keep their pants."
Duncan Whitehorse a leading American writer reported that "Harry was brought home for his own safety as dyslexic terrorists had threatened to pluck him like a chicken."
In fact Harry, who had been having a quiet shandy in Basra Cafe on the way to Afghanistan, sorted out twenty Al Queda Terrorists single handed.
He was unfortunately later involved in a skirmish with a Taxi driver but it must be said "that it was entirely the Taxi Drivers fault."
Award winning writer Tragic Bobbitt wrote that "Harry was looking forward to a round of toasted ham sandwiches and a nice hot bubble bath amid his collection of squeaky ducks."
How would the Bobbitt like, to not have a wash for ten weeks and exist on corn beef hash for every meal while trying to bed a gorgeous blond Army Nurse?
Scandalous reporting I say!
Prince Harry is a wonderful example of good clean honest living and a damn fine young man.
Sir Ivor Biggun acknowledges and fully respects the opinions and normally extremely accurate stories produced by The Queen Mudder, Monkey Woods, Gordon Bennet, Duff, Duncan Whitehead and Tragic Rabbit.