Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 5 February 2008

image for Pancake Day: Jamie Oliver Gives Advice On 'How To Be A Perfect Tosser'
Remember to examine your topping carefully

Pancake Day, or Shrove Tuesday, is upon us once again, and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has this morning been speaking on the BBC to give the best advice on 'How to be a Perfect Tosser'.

The period of Lent, starting on Ash Wednesday, heralds a period of abstinence, or 'giving up' something, but, before that, a large meal is taken in order to see abstainers through Lent, which lasts 40 days.

Pancakes, with their high fat content, have traditionally been the answer, but many people, having mixed their pancakes, find it almost impossible to toss them correctly, an issue Mr Oliver has decided to address.

Being a perfect tosser himself, the Channel 4 chef gave the benefit of his advice to listeners on BBC Radio 5 Live this morning, with the interview also being filmed for broadcast later this afternoon on BBC1.

To make pancake batter, add milk, an egg and then flour, and blend using an electric blender. Heat some oil in a frying pan until scalding hot, and then add enough of the batter mix to fill the pan. Cook for thirty minutes each side. Then it's tossing time.

Said Oliver:

"Grip the pan tightly and shuffle it backwards and forwards in your hand. When you feel slightly light-headed, the time has come to hurl the mix skywards, taking great care to wipe off any that reaches the ceiling. Then, serve it on a plate and add sugar, lemon juice, syrup, jam or semen, if it is for someone you love."

A BBC spokesman said:

"We were not familiar with some of the jargon, but he seemed to know what he was talking about. Tosser."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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