Written by Michael Simmonite
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Wednesday, 5 September 2001

image for Queen Mother: She won't wear nickers, revelation!
The Queen Mum in her Youth

The Queen Mother made a firm stand against would-be thieves yesterday when she said that she "couldn't abide people who steal things".

Britain's favourite old woman - who had no criminal record at the time of going to print - made the angry outburst in an east London pub when a man tried to sell her a cheap video recorder during a night out with friends.

Apparently Her Majesty - who's only experience of Community Service is unveiling statues and opening museums - had just struck a deal with the man.

She was just about to fork out the £10 asking price when a youth burst into the pub and snatched the video from under the nose of the unsuspecting vendor and disappeared through the door and into the night.

It is reported that friends had to hold her back when she threatened to chase after the man and give him 'a damn good thrashing'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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