Written by Cobden Stewart
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Topics: School, Education

Friday, 18 January 2008

image for Sixteen Plus Students to Have Qualifications Delivered
Student Collects a Physics Degree

In a new twist to the debate on post sixteen education, students are to have diplomas and certificates delivered to their homes.

"This will be a high quality programme setting very rigorous standards" commented Education Minister Mr Edward Sheres.

The plan is that college lecturers will be given travel allowances to pop out to registered learners delivering the new qualifications.

"Staff have been told not to visit until after one o'clock in the afternoon. This will ensure that learners are actually out of bed."

The FE watchdog Ofsted plan a light touch inspection early in 2009.

Seventeen year old student William Bottomley remarked, "Its a fucking liberty in my opinion! Why can't they just drop the thing in the letter box!"

Lecturers are said to be up in arms that delivery rounds will occur in hours of darkness too. However the Royal College of Word Processors is happy that target grades should be achieved.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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