Confusion reigned at Buckingham Palace this morning when details of the Queen's New Year's Honours List were mixed up with those of Her Majesty's New Year's Shopping List, resulting in Sir Michael Parkinson being recognised as a Cabbage, and Bolton's Sir Ian McKellen as 3lbs of Brussel Sprouts.
The gaffe came to light as Prince Philip, sent on a mission to Sainsbury's, tried to purchase a Kylie Minogue OBE and a Brian Ashton MBE. An alert and quick-thinking store assistant drew the Duke's attention to the mistake, and he hastily withdrew to the car park, from whence a phone call to the Missus put everything right.
Sally Shagnasty, the store assistant, told The Spoof:
"He was really quite nice about it. He just grinned and went outside. I think he rang the Queen, and after a few minutes he came back inside and bought some groceries and a Kylie DVD."
Sally was also able to confirm that EastEnders actress Barbara Windsor, the Queen's sister, is to receive the Queen Victoria Cross, whilst cleared Scouse tax-dodger Ken Dodd is to become "Tittifilarious".
Dolly the Sheep is to be knighted, and, for his not inconsiderable services to the British war effort in Iraq, former PM Tony Blair is to be awarded the Blue Max.
None of the writers from The Spoof are to be recognised in the New Year's Honours List despite all their hard work and efforts to bring down governments, religion, music and film celebrities, and sports stars throughout the year. One of them, who wished to remain anonymous, said:
"I'd rather be on the Shopping List."