Written by Henry Duran
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Topics: Police, Farmers

Thursday, 1 April 2004

A dawn swoop Thursday by MI5 agents and police saw eight British farmers arrested and their premises raided for possession of the explosive ammonium nitrate which can sometimes be used as fertilizer. The farmers were dragged from their beds and taken to the high security Belmarsh Prison in London where they are being held under the Prevention of Farming Act (2001).

It is thought that since 9/11, small cells of farmers have formed in the British mainland, and that an attack, according to the Chief of the Metropolitan Police, Sir Old Bill, is "inevitable."

"We don't know exactly what they are going to do, but we have picked up a lot of " chatter" recently. Obviously the Archers has been a good source of information for us as well as Farming Today, although it is on a bit early in the morning for some of our lads so we record it"

One possible attack could be the release of GM flax spores into the environment , causing the death of hundreds of sparrows. In the past the farmers have plotted to infect the British public with Bovine Spongeiform, which is known to have affected many British politicians including Dennis Skinner. But this latest assault, in which the police think that the farmers were going to use the explosive to actually fertilise crops and grow something instead of sitting around in the pub whingeing about lack of state subsidies, could have seen British grown food on the shelves for the first time in years, sending hundreds of thousands of shoppers into a state of shock.

A spokesperson for the Ambulance service, Arthur Bigot said "This could have been devastating. Frankly we are not geared up for this kind of thing. If you ask me we should have kicked them all out after the war."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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