Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 23 November 2007

image for 'Feelbad Factor' To Permeate Every Last Facet Of English Life
Will someone shut that baby up!

The 'Feelbad Factor' felt all over the country since the failure of the England football team to qualify for the Euro 2008 Finals, is set to permeate through to every last facet of English life, says an expert.

John Looney, a social misfit, says in an article in the today's Guardian, that "the social, economic and spiritual backbone of England has been broken" and that, by next summer when the Finals are staged, the country will be at its lowest ebb since the Napoleonic Wars of 1803-1815.

The economy, alone, is set to lose around £2billion - most of this in lost shirt sales - worker productivity will slump, crime will rise, and drinking and drugtaking will go 'through the roof' due to husbands being forced by their wives to watch EastEnders rather than that other dismal soap England Fail Again.

Babies will also cry more.

Ron Greedy, a travel agent who had reckoned on generating at least £100,000 in travel tickets to Austria and Switzerland for the Finals, moaned:

"I feel bad. It's terrible news. I stand to lose everything I own because a bunch of overpaid primadonnas couldn't progress from this relatively easy group. Plus my wife will now make me watch EastEnders."

Maud Slapp, 84, who goes to all the England away games, was no less bitter when she said:

"That McClaren! They ought to 'ang 'im up from the crossbar by 'is balls, and 'ave some shooting practice! Whatcha!"

Government ministers have already started to count the cost of the team's failure, and have hinted that the deficit in revenue might have to be made up by increased ticket prices at football grounds next season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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