Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Food, Poo, Curry

Thursday, 1 November 2007

image for Scotch wife guilty of serving her husband shit vindaloo
Scotch folk regularly eat their own shit and bathe in their own urine.

A Scottish sheriff court has found Scots wife Jill Martin guilty of serving her husband an Indian meal composed of excrement. But instead of sending the evil harpy to gaol, a silly female Scotch judge admonished or released her.

Mrs Martin claimed that for years she had suffered abuse at the hands of her husband, Donald Martin, including leaving the toilet seat up, hiding the tv remote and on one occasion not replacing the cap on the toothpaste. This had driven her nuts, said her defence advocate, Charlie McClusker, and she decided to get revenge. She therefore cooked up a curry for her husband and garnished it with her own faeces. After her husband started to eat it, Mrs Martin apparently began laughing at him. Her second advocate, Mr. Gallanagh, said it was just like an episode of Desperate Housewives.

Sheriff Susan Sinclair chuckled at the evidence and at one point stopped Mrs Martin to ask her for her recipe. At the end of the case, she told Mrs Martin:

"Although you are guilty, I am admonishing you, so you are free to go home."

Asked what she would be cooking next for her husband, Mrs Martin told reporters:

"A jobbie con carnie."

Jobbie is the Scottish word for "shit".

Legal analysts in England say that the case demonstrates just how uncivilized, lawless and dirty most Scotch folk are. One leading barrister added:

"I am surprised at the judge's decision. She was probably having PMS at the time and didn't understand the evidence."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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