Written by Barry Subchimp
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Topics: Plane, Legs

Tuesday, 6 April 2004

image for Failed 'shoe bomber' just blows own legs off
Legless: The terror suspect was lead away on a skateboard by airport security.

A BOTCHED bid by a 'shoe bomber' to blow up a transatlantic airliner had hilarious consequences today when he entertained passengers by having his legs fly to either end of the plane.
The repeated sheepish requests by Abu Ommar for a doctor were met only by riotous laughter during the five hour journey.
"He made a big deal out of sacrificing himself for the greater good just before he tried to light the detonators," said Randy Watson, a passenger on the plane, which left Heathrow for New York late yesterday afternoon.
"About midway into the journey, he stood up and demanded the attention of the passengers and crew, and yelled 'Death to the Western Satan', and then pulled out a lighter - which first struck me as odd as Muslims don't normally smoke."
The crew were powerless to calm the hysteric screams of the terrified passengers as Ommar bent down to light the detonators in each of his Adidas Sambas.
For three agonising seconds, the fuses fizzed slowly towards the feared explosives, and passengers could only look on in painful anticipation of their final moment.
Then, with an immense bang, calamity struck the 24 year-old terrorist as his legs were ripped from the joints in the blast, and sent hurtling to separate ends of the plane.
"My brother can do the splits," added passenger Derek Spud, "but I have to say this was far more impressive."
But the agony was far from over for Ommar.
The instant his legs were forcefully removed from his body, gravity took over, and fell he straight down, screaming in a high pitched whine as his lunchbox made heavy and audible contact with the floor of the aircraft.
Billowing laughter suddenly erupted from the travellers as Ommar cursed under his breath.
The would-be terrorist was taunted mercilessly for the rest of the journey but during the last half hour of the flight, one passenger began to take pity on the weeping mess that had previously threatened to kill the 125 users of the air service.
"He was crying so bad, and I really felt sorry for him," said Vera Thick, 54. I tried to cheer him up or at least make him smile. I even tickled his feet, but it didn't seem to have any effect, the ungrateful shower of shit that he is, although that was probably because he was too far away to see it."
Cops in New York put the now three-feet-tall Ommar on a skateboard and wheeled him into custody where he will stand *snigger snigger* trial later this year.
Senior anti-terror chiefs believe that the reason for the failure of Ommar's suicide bid is due to his choice of footwear.
Dr David Slutch of the CIA, told The Spoof: "Because he chose to wear Sambas, he didn't have much room so he could only use a small amount of the explosive.
"If these terrorists start wearing platforms, we're done for!"
But the legal woes look set to continue for Ommar, as one passenger says she will sue him after she claimed she was kicked by a leg propelled by the initial blast.
"And if that's not enough, his feet stink," added the pilot, Captain Michael Sinnett. "Well, the left one did when it landed on my lap anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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