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Monday, 29 October 2007

image for Immigrants to face English test so they can understand Jade Goody

Gordon Brown is expected to announce today that all skilled workers entering the UK will have to have the equivalent of at least a grade C standard in English language GCSE before they are to be allowed to work in the country.

Gregory T Mullet, head of the TUC who supports these plans, was quoted as saying: "Yeah, like, it would be proper good wouldn't it? If, like, the immigrants could talk proper English like us lot who are from here, like, innit."

He later added that he was "sick of correcting the 'punctualness' and grammar of all these Poles and stuff".

Conservative spokesman Rupert Cooper MP blames increasing standards for the increasing GCSE pass rate. Cooper went on to ensure voters that should the Conservatives be elected into power they would decrease the standards so far that only the very brightest students would pass.

"Everyone's a winner baby!" Cooper was quoted as saying.

The British Chambers of Commerce was concerned that the proposal would put off many foreign workers from coming over to the UK if they had to constantly correct their fellow workers punctuality and grammar.

Barry Turner, general secretary of the TUC, added that many immigrant workers suffered from discrimination in the work place due to their good grasp of English, for example they could 'barely understand' popular television stars such as Jade Goody.

The Tories responded to these allegations by claiming should they be elected into power at the next election, they would ensure only the immigrants with the vaguest grasp of English were given residency in Britain to prevent any corrections from occurring.

Terrence Poole, Conservative MP, was quoted as saying: "We can't have these 'Johnny Foreigners' coming over here, correcting good honest British folk 'willy nilly'." Poole denied this statement was "a little bit racist" and blamed Islamic terrorists for spreading that myth on jihadist websites.

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