Written by Westminster
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Topics: London, Homeless

Thursday, 18 October 2007

image for London's Westminster City Council to use Giant Street Vacuums to pick up Homeless

LONDON - City of Westminster Council has unveiled a new machine to deal with its growing number of nuisance vagrants, it has to clear up during the night.

Working with a combination of partners Veolia Environmental Services Clean Streets and its other outsources partner Dunlop Hayward - Housing Options Homeless Department these teams have worked together to build a Giant "Human Hoover" to suck up homeless people sleeping in door ways, on park benches and other grave places.

Keeping with its commitment to recycle, Sir Simon Milton leader of City of Westminster Council and Chairman of the Local Government Association announced the giant Group 4 Securicor trucks will transport all waste south of the thames for sorting.

"Its about time City of Westminster Business Rate Payers where getting value for money!"

Previously City of Westminster's "Vigilante Safer Streets Teams" had been criticised for just issuing bus tickets to "move on" these "down and outs", out of borough.

However most of the homeless exchanged their bus tickets for drugs, alcohol and EVEN food and bottled water! Such practices had to stop.

The final straw came when Sir Simon encountered such people one night when walking through Soho in a catsuit once owned by his predecessor Dame Shirley Porter. This has temporarily put Sir Simon off using public transport and has written to TFL's Public Carriage Office.

Even more cash making homeless removal projects such as, asbestos cocaine and bleached alcohol; to be announced at a later date.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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