Written by Coco de Pudsey
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Topics: Health

Thursday, 18 October 2007

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London, Englandshire - A recently leaked government health paper on the obesity problem in the UK is claiming that "obesity is now more harmful than smoking." It concludes that overweight non-smokers are shortening their lifespans by up to 46 years and up to 56 years if they regularly take moderate exercise.

This report comes at a difficult time for the government, especially as a medical research team in Canada have simultaneously released a paper claiming that "By 2022, most thin people who smoke will live to the age of 113.." and "...by 2052, svelte smokers will be living to an age upwards of 250 years..." The paper continues to illustrate that smokers with a low Body Mass Index will be "...virtually immortal," by the start of the next millennium.

The British Department of Health has received a considerable amount of criticism since the release of their last controversial report which insisted that the "...recreational use of heroin was infinitely less harmful than aspirin in controlling pain" and that snuff should be made mandatory for children under 12.

The plight of the beleaguered Health Department, which has seemingly been in freefall since the appointment of their new secretary, Dr H. Shipman-Mengele Jr, will not be assisted in any way from the World Health Authority Annual Report to be released in November.

According to our sources, the report will rank the UK's health service in 56th position in the world, just behind Iraq and narrowly ahead of France.

The report also states the the Health Department in the UK is the "most likely to release a series of nonsensical and wildly conflicting press releases on the subject of healthy living, leaving the general public confused as to whether or not pumpkin seeds are good for you..."

A Health Department spokesperson was unavailable for comment today.

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