Written by Candice Hitler
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Tuesday, 16 October 2007

image for Ming & Britney's Liberal Love Making
SWAMP!

The 'toxic' chanteuse famous for hitting a baby one more time has eloped with confused ex-Lib Dem burden Sir Menzies Camp Bell.

Hollywood's new hideous couple are said to be 'dossing' at the eco-drug-commune of fellow Lib Dem nobody and Tolkien named 'Lembit Opik', who shares his liberal love-pad with tran-sylvannian vampire sin twins the Cheeky Girls.

Lib Dems today expressed their yellow peril at the growing number of c-list teen popsters 'swallowing up their members'.

This news comes in a week that was forcibly forced to eye witness East Midland's 'candy-date' Paul Holmes licking marmite off Carol Vorderman's mechanical toes and Nottingham South's Tonny Sutton snapped outside Greggs The Bakers fondling animated lust-slut Betty Boop.

Specualtion was a trifle rife last night about the new leader of the nation's third rate party. Devout Stalinist and part time scalp collector Vince cable has thrown his hat in the ring alongside ginger scotch-jockey Charles Kennedy and fruity mechanised home husband C3P0 from science friction bore Star Wars.

Edwardian Campbell is expected to croak out one last dusty press release to press tomorrow explaining his decision to leave the party he helped reach ruinous mediocrity and his 'punching above his weight' meeting of no minds relationship with the chunky fading fantasy Spears.

Spears, also balding and vacuous, told working class fag mag 'Heat' today that her and 'Mingy' were as close as 'two brothers in a trailer' and that she was 'a life long Liberal Democrank'.

Fellow story-whore and BFF Beyonce Knowles is also on the prowl for a mouldy policy pundit according to gossip dealers today and she is keeping a close cross-eye on the leadership race, saying;

'I f*ckin hope tiny faced everyman Nick Clegg gets it 'cause i've heard he's hung like a very big shrew. And i'd love to tame that sucker'

Knowles was furiously ignored by the media as there were more depressing matters at hand.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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