Written by Mark Lowton
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Tuesday, 9 October 2007

image for Labour Rip Off Conservative Election Pledges
Alistair Darling

The Labour party has been accused of "ripping off" many of the Conservatives' election pledges, following the release of Alistair Darling's pre-budget report.

Labour has suggested that the report will definitely give them the edge and allow them to regain the political initiative.

New reforms for inheritance tax are on the table which some suggest have been plagiarised directly from the Tory manifesto. Darling is also pledging increased spending on the NHS and insists he will make the NHS more independent and give doctors more power.

In an interview with The Spoof, Darling said: "If you look at what has happened with economic policy, this Government gave the Bank of England independence, set its objectives and said, 'Right, you now get on with the job.' I think we should be looking at this in health."

Alistair, with the backing of Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families, Ed Balls, has admitted that schools are failing our children with a poor quality of teaching. He has pledged to increase spending on schools and hopes this will alleviate pressures on teachers and allow them to concentrate more on teaching and less on organising fêtes and jumble sales to boost school coffers.

Darling is pledging increased spending on British armed forces and insists there will be greater support for troops based in Afghanistan. Mr Darling has been working in close collusion with the Secretary of State for Defence, Des Browne.

Mr Browne stated: "We cannot afford to fail [in Afghanistan]. If we fail we will see an increase in drugs and dangerous instability in this region. To make sure that we succeed, we have to take tough, gritty, hard-headed decisions about making sure that there is a greater unity of purpose about what we are doing here."

The pre-budget report follows criticism of the prime minister for teasing David Cameron and Menzies Campbell with the possibility of a snap election, then pulling the rug from under their feet.

"It was a clear effort to nick our best ideas," moaned Cameron. "They've even ripped off what I said in my keynote at the party conference - word for word in some places. I'm absolutely livid!"

Menzies Campbell angrily mumbled from his Parker-Knoll, in response to the report, before dozing off again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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