Written by James Wallin
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Topics: Gordon Brown, War

Monday, 1 October 2007

image for Brown shocks voters by calling for snap war
Brown has warned the Burmese junta: "we'll set aboot ye!"

Sources close to gravel-voiced Scotch sexpot Gordon Brown say he is planning to completely wrong-foot his political opponents by calling for not the election which most had expected but a snap war against Burma.

The Prime Minister is said to be "deeply troubled" by events in Burma, having "barely touched his porridge" after hearing reports of protestors being fired on by the military junta.

He has also been inspired by the heroism of the country's pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi, who featured in his book Courage alongside Nelson Mandela, that Glaswegian baggage handler fella, and Jodie Marsh. Brown has long identified with Aung San Suu Kyi's plight. A cabinet insider said: "There are many similarities here - one spent over a decade cruelly restrained from their rightful position as democratically elected head of their country, and the other lives in Burma."

Sources claim Mr Brown has taken all possible steps to avoid a conflict including issuing sanctions, issuing sanctions more slowly, issuing sanctions in a loud voice, and inviting the military dictatorship of Burma onto [iThe Jeremy Kyle Show.

The decision is likely to shock the Labour leader's main opponent David Cameron, who on Sunday goaded Mr Brown into calling a snap election, stating, to rapturous applause:

"Fnaar, fnaar, fnaar!"

Mr Cameron went on to pile pressure on the Prime Minister by saying "what, what" and calling for Pimms.

Speaking against a photo-montage of Margaret Thatcher drop-kicking a hoodie while dispensing fistfuls of cash to smiling couples, Cameron accused the Labour Party of lacking gravitas in their policies. "Pip, pip old bean," he added.

After a month of, what one commentator described as "the worst sort of political todger tickling", Gordon Brown had been warned that he risked looking weak, indecisive and frumpy if he failed to call an election after so much build up. Insiders say they are pleased to see he is taking advice on board, while expressing bewilderment about whose advice it was.

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