Written by Mister Meaner
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Topics: Cars, Speeding

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

image for Boy Racer To Attempt New Land Speed Record
You're not breaking that land speed record until you've finished your homework

A youth from Doncaster is tonight going to attempt to steal the limelight from a man who was yesterday jailed for 10 weeks for breaking the speed limit in his Porsche 911.

Timothy Brady, 33, of Harrow, was clocked in at 172mph as he hurtled along the A420 in Oxfordshire, and was subsequently 'banged up' with arch criminals who bum men like him for fun.

Now though, a challenger has stepped forward who intends to take the title of Britain's Fastest Criminal away from Brady, and put his own name in the record books, if not straight onto the HMP Lindholme Roll of Honour.

Known locally as 'a bit of a lad', Timmy Tompkins regularly steals a car and then races other motorists up and down the M1 'making a nuisance of himself' according to PC Cudnkerless for South Yorkshire Police who said:

"Aye, he's a bit of a lad. He'll get himself killed one o' these days."

In a promotional video of his driving prowess submitted to YouTube, boy racer Timmy has driven at speeds of more than 180mph, and is expected to cruise past Brady's paltry effort with ease.

Interviewed by a reporter from the Sheffield Telegraph & Argus by mobile phone, Tompkins said:

"I won't be able to hold me head up at school in the morning if I fail."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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