Written by Shaun Ferguson
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Topics: Terrorism, Airport

Sunday, 16 September 2007

image for Tough new airport security
*Bing Bong* Passengers are advised to place explosives in the red bin, knives in the green bin, and guns in the blue bin

Prime Monster Gordon Brown has upset airport owners and ground staff by announcing tough new security measures to prevent air-borne terrorism.

Starting Monday luggage restrictions will be relaxed and replaced with a new three point plan:

  1. All UK air terminals will be equipped with bomb amnesty collection points
  2. Passengers taking bombs on board aircraft will be required to carry them in see-through plastic bags
  3. All travellers will be required to denounce Islam

Trade Unions representing airport ground staff have objected to the plans, which they say will substantially reduce the amount of cosmetics and perfumes their members have been able to pilfer from the travelling public.

A spokesman for BAA told The Spoof that revisiting current security techniques threatens to breach their company policy by "treating air travellers as customers rather than the cattle they really are."

"If our security staff is unable to confiscate personal items", he added, it will reduce sales of replacement products from our airport shops."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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