Guards Chapel, Wellington Bollox - (Ass Mess): Over 200 members of the UK's Hellfire Club gathered at the Guards Chapel in Wellington Bollox today to pay homage to their greatest fantasy creation who died at the hands of a drunk driver ten years ago today.
Amid secens of predictable BBC-driven humbug the charefully choreographed spectacle drew rapturous applause from the hundreds of rent-a-crowd mourners and wannabe somebodys who don't get that much of a chance these days to milk tawdry public spectacles.
The Puppet Monarch and her Blackshirt Prince Philip-lookalike consort staged a careful entrance into the Chapel eyeing the amassed ranks of their IRA supporters who had turned out for their occasion as if their very lives depended on it.
Missing fom today's cringefest were the 200+ men that Diana shagged while officially ensonced at Kensington Palace, as well as two dozen smack dealers that serviced her addition needs, colonic irrigation practitioners that regularly pumped out her persitalsis-withered bowels and the hordes of hangers on who made a decent living scavenging off the scraps of self-generate publicity that was Diana's specialised life-calling.
"Most people have forgotten about the promiscuous binge-outs that Diana saw as one of her matrimonial perks," a royal protection squad source said today.
"Most have been paid off or given Life Peerages by the Poodle Administration.
"We chose not to make a big fuss about this back in July when we had Blair by the bollox.
"But all that could change within a matter of days now that a the soldiers are back from Northern Ireland duties and we have enough hardware to finally bust these Corrupt Bastards arses."
Camilla is on holiday with Mohammed Fayed.