Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 21 August 2007

image for Criminal Rights Act Under Scrutiny
Yep, whatever they like!

An Italian lout who knifed school headmaster Philip Lawrence to death has been allowed to remain in the UK after winning an appeal against deportation.

Learco Chindamo, 26, is currently serving a life sentence for killing Mr Lawrence outside his London school in 1995. The killer was just 15 at the time of the murder.

Lawyers argued that, were Chindamo to be deported back to Italy, where the scumbag comes from, he would be locked up with "many other prisoners", and forced to eat spaghetti every day. This, they said, would be a breach of his Criminal Rights.

The Criminal Rights Act supports prisoners in their 'rehabilitation' and, essentially, entitles the criminal element to do "whatever the fuck they like". This includes the Rights to:

1. accommodation
2. food
3. drugs
4. deal drugs
5. carry out other illegal activities
6. sex, including 'forced bumming' with other inmates
7. sex with family/friends/pets

(Due to space restraints, this may include sex under a table or in full view of other members of the public, inmates and staff. This is no way detracts from the pleasure of the participants, and may well enhance it)

8. complain
9. appeal against anything they so wish, and receive massive compensation
10. riot

The Home Office has been told by Appeal Court judges that any appeal against the decision would be futile, and have been advised not to bother.

Home Office minister Tony McNutty said:

"We realise that this detestable ruffian deserves to go to the Gas Chamber. However, we in Britain are a forgiving race, and believe in forgiving and forgetting.
That is to say, I will forgive Learco Chindamo, and Mrs Lawrence, the unfortunate widow, will forget the matter. Job done."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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