Written by Velveeta Peron
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Topics: Camilla

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

image for Duchess' Fury as her Green Plan Chucked
A stunned Duchess of Cornwall learns her diary for 31st August remains as planned

The Duchess of Cornwall is said to be devastated over the failure of her notion for saving time and energy.

The Duchess had proposed a one time plan to cancel 31st August, 2007.

"It would have been brilliant," the Duchess told friends. "We'd have gone to bed on the 30th and been awoken, by staff, on the 1st. In the meantime, all the time and trouble consumed on the 31st would never have happened! I should have thought it would be of benefit to us all."

Friends say the Duchess is heartsick over the indifference to her scheme.

"She didn't just dream this up, you know. The idea came to her after a lot of sleepless nights this summer. Think of it - pretend you had to spend an uneasy hour or so with your mother-in-law or in a room full of hostile aristos? Or just suppose perhaps the day somehow represents something you'd just as soon forget? Or maybe you'd just rather bloody saddle up? Under Mills' plan, problem solved! Really, people go on about conservation but one must question their sincerity when they reject solid thinking from the woman who will one day be their queen - er, Paramour Consort - or whatever the hell it is."

Clarence House declined to comment on the balls up. But sources close to the Palace in Waiting speculated that while the day in question is one 'the Duchess swears has no particular significance anyhow', she wasn't keen on suggestions the plan be applied to any other day of the year.

"She's in a real state over this one. She said it had to be the 31st or there was no point doing it at all, although she wouldn't say why. Of course, they never do."

Prince Charles is incandescent with rage.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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