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Sunday, 15 July 2007

image for Queen Forces Closure of Tesco Stores After Gaffe
Crown of Turkey removed from Tesco shelves

The Queen has today stormed out of a Tesco store following an attrocious gaffe by the leading supermarket chain over her usual shopping list.

Her majesty likes to retain the common touch by shopping in her local Tesco with just two aides, one to carry the money and one to carry the list. Arriving on horseback to avoid putting a pound in the trolley in Tesco carpark the trio will then scour the aisles for goods which carry the "by royal appointment " logo such as Tate and Lyles Golden Syrup. The Queen likes to wear full ceremonial dress for the occasion including the Crown and will often stop to chat to local shoppers about the price of carrots and to ask them to get out of the way.

Yesterday however, an unacceptable situation occurred when one of the Queens trusted aides asked a Tesco store assistant to direct her to the Hellmans Caesar Dressing. The horrified Queen misheard the response of "Hellmans Caesar dressing? It's around here." as "Hell! A man has seen her dressing? Kiss her Crowned rear." and immediately drew her sword.

Passing shopper and eye witness Muriel Hawkley claims that the Queen seemed to think the assistant was passing comment on the recent BBC gaffe where she stormed off after a comment by a photographer on her removing her Crown to look less dressy. The BBC was then forced to pretend that they had gaffed to avoid the Queen looking like an idiot.

Following the gaffe, 14 stores were closed by armed guards as products were removed which were likely to cause offence to Her Majesty. Anyone who who has bought the following products recently to return them to the store for no refund; Tesco finest Steak Diane, Royal Jelly Face Cream, Harry-bo sweets and catfood; Paw Prints Fill-up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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