Written by Cal Jennings
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Friday, 22 June 2007

image for Low attainers 'poor white boys'
Poor hungry students can barely hold their heads up.

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - UK - The most consistent under-achievers in British schools are poor white boys according to a recent study.

The authors of the study, Robert Cassen and Geeta Kingdon, analysed official data, focusing on four measures of low achievement:

  • no passes at all in GCSE/GNVQ exams
  • no result better than grade D
  • no pass in either English or maths GCSE
  • not getting five GCSEs including English and maths at any grade

The study also found that, evidently, the low performance is not only linked to their obviously abhorant upbringing and social status, but also linked to their inability to be able to afford to eat.

While Schools minister Jim Knight and National Union of Teachers leader Steve Sinnott encouraged reaching out more to those students and perhaps offering them free lunches, government official, Sir I.M. Wealthy sent a memo in response,

    "There's no such thing as a free lunch. If students can't afford to eat, they don't deserve to be in school. Their parents should have worked and studied harder, applying themselves to their educational needs. Who cares if they can't afford a vehicle to get themselves to work? That's not our problem."

I.M. Wealthy was appointed to his position by ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair on the recommendation of George Bush, based on his "Head Start" program.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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